Experience Unapologetically
What I’ve learnt from the non-work side of college these last few years can be distilled into one takeaway: choose and live experiences that you are unapologetic about. These can unfold in many different ways, and can range in their outcome from the sublime to the awful. But a few factors, I think, are a common thread running through these:
- Authentic — you aren’t fooling yourself. The experience is as true to itself as it could be within the circumstances — enough to not make yourself feel like you’re compromising. The experience doesn’t feel forced or a poor simulation of the real thing. Ignorance can help as with much else, but a lot of authenticity is intuitive. Particularly with increasing experience — an uncomfortable thorn to land on.
- Feel free — the experience doesn’t make you feel limited, in the things you explore, the way you act, the people you are around. These are often subjective — what may feel limiting to one isn’t a problem to another. Freedom is an optimisation meter — too little can feel like physico-mental shackles that cause anger, bitterness, hopelessness or despair; too much can cause uncertainty, fear and self-doubt. Just about the right amount, however, can cause euphoria and the feeling of ‘being alive’ unlike any other.
- Easy decisions — the process is catered to maximising decision points that feel natural, where a) both/all outcomes are acceptable ones, and b) the decision is one that does not cause vexation, stress or conflict. The more positive exp. factors that facilitate these easy decisions, the better — where limiting reagents such as the people you are with, the resources at your disposal, the urgency of the decision (although an ability to handle pressure gives flexibility here) do not cause uncomfortable frayed endings.
- Align — with your values, your beliefs, your priorities in life. Both the overall direction and purpose of the trip, as well as its execution. The places you go, the things you do, the people you meet and how interactions with them are conducted. Not necessarily your culture! Aligning with culture is often a safe option, which might lead to satisfactory outcomes a few times, but excessive repetition will flip that parabola.
- Beauty — the experience is in pursuit of a beauty. Experiencing this beauty can be in any form — seeing, listening, feeling. While it helps to be a beauty that is appreciated beforehand, new forms of beauty could be appreciated just as much due to our (arguable) abilities to intuitively appreciate and recognise beauty. Beauty can act as a driving purpose, a reward, or a greater goal in the form of an act of service.
Unapologetic experiences can serve to increase satisfaction, but they can also minimise regret (à la FOMO) and even give a sense of purpose (à la weekend warriors). For what are they if not regret minimisation exercises in themselves. As a result, the outcome often does not matter, given that there is no regret. This ‘no-regret evaluation’ stamp however, has an important precondition: acceptance and recognition of context. That there is no regret you feel given the circumstances, information available to you, and the resources (time, effort, money) at your disposal. This acceptance often does not come immediately, and can differ for a different combination parcel of contextual variables. While you may feel acceptance at a decision made with the information available, it is a human tendency to feel dissatisfied with the circumstances themselves — that either prompted the decision to be necessary in the first place, or which, in combination with the decision made, resulted in a certain outcome. The knife of analysis can help here though — is the dissatisfaction with the circumstance or the outcome? There are usually different methods to deal with each.
Outcome-originated frustration must be dealt with using a solution orientation. Improving the state of affairs for yourself and the parties concerned by remediation.
Circumstance-frustration often calls for patience and understanding. An acceptance of factors you can/cannot control, what you’re willing to wait for, and an understanding of, if not the reason why they are such, of the kind of trade-offs you are willing to make. Would you prefer Outcome A given that it comes with Compromise X, or Outcome B that differs from A in an apparently positive factor deltaX, but carries it with Changed Factor Y, or Great Effort N?
The key to solving this dilemma is to achieve goal no. 3 internally. To be alright with, and to gain out of any outcome. This potential complication thus resolved, you can focus on identifying and actuating the experiences that truly matter, and elevate your time and memories to a state that gives more satisfaction — an experience you are unapologetic about.
